Sunday, March 30, 2008

The Cynic

Imagine an arena filled with thousands of women of every size, occupation, age, and culture. At the end of the arena is a stage set with lights and microphones and screens. A man steps onto the stage and instructs the women to stand to their feet and sing with him. The voices rise together, some in beautiful harmony, others in not-so-beautiful harmony. The man on the stage asks the women to turn and hug their neighbors. Women embrace, smiling and laughing as they say hellos.

Many of you have experienced this type of experience. I went to a women's conference this weekend -- not the entire conference, just the Saturday morning session, and I couldn't help but realize what a cynic I am. Many beautiful, articulate women spoke, encouraging the women in the audience to realize the dream that God has for them. The worship leader led the women in singing and in hand motions (something that doesn't really thrill me). Women cried and laughed; it was a moving experience.

As I waded through the sea of women at lunchtime to try to find an exit, I began to wonder what it was all about. What is the purpose of this gathering? What do the women who plan this event hope to accomplish in the lives of the women who attend?

If they hope to accomplish awakening then why do the women push and shove and pull at one another in order to get to the book signing tables? Why are women still angry and hostile because the lady in front of them didn't do something as quickly as she should have? Why are they still sighing as their sisters climb across their legs to get to a seat? If these women are supposed to be awakened to the eternal purpose that an eternal God has given them, why isn't the change obvious? Maybe the change comes the day after the conference.

If the planners hope to give the women a sense of mission why aren't there thousands of women now flooding Main Street Greenville talking to the girl behind the counter at Marble Slab or the young man serving their food at Fatz? Why are so many still lost and seeking a savior in our world today. I have no doubt been to at least 20 of these events in my lifetime, and I have yet to see the major change that such events should bring.

If the planners are hoping to simply give the women a good feeling and a weekend away from their families, perhaps they accomplish this goal.

Maybe I am just too cynical to recognize what has happened, but I long for the day when the body of Christ truly recognizes her calling and stands up and stops having conferences in arenas and instead has conferences downtown where thousands of lost souls come to know Christ as their savior.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Generation Me

On Saturday, a dear, beautiful friend of mine came to the house. I haven't seen her in years, but she was home from Montgomery where she is stationed on the Air Force base, and she called and asked if she could stop by. Of course, I said yes without hesitation.

I have known Rachel since she and her family moved to my hometown when we were in elementary school. She has always amazed me. She could run fast, sing, dance, and she always seemed so free. I'm not free. I worry about what people say and what people mean. I concern myself with things that shouldn't matter one whit, but Rachel doesn't have that problem. She speaks her mind freely, not worrying about what others think. She dyes her hair vibrant colors and wears her makeup boldly! I'm timid.

It is hard to understand how our friendship has stood the test of time, but it has. I'm realizing as I get older that we are probably more alike than we are different. Rachel is toning down, and I am becoming more outgoing.

All of this to say that we had a lovely hour together. We talked about politics and the world situation, our families, our hopes and dreams, so many things.

She made a comment that really made me think. She said that the generation coming after us is Generation ME. I am proudly a Generation X'er, but the students I teach are completely Generation ME. What can you do for ME. What do I get out of this. How does this concern ME.
I don't want it to all be about ME. I have problems. I overreact and underreact all at the same time. I am lazy and self-absorbed. I constantly need to be reminded that it ISN'T all about ME.
What do we do with a generation that is self-consumed? How do we break through the fog of self-absorption and let them know that it is more about others than about self?

I don't know, but I beg that you pray with me that God will make himself mighty that it may be all about HIM.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Neglected

I began to think today that my blog is probably feeling rather neglected. I am obsessive when it comes to checking my other sites -- Facebook, e-mail, etc., but my poor blog has fallen by the wayside. I suppose that since my daughter is lying in the other room making "babababababa" sounds, I have a few moments to think. Usually she is making "WAAAAAAAAAA" kinds of sounds, but today is a special day.

I've been thinking a lot about my responsibility as a Christian in a world that rarely acknowledges or thinks about Christ. I often tell my students that we don't have to agree with the things around us because Christ rarely did, but we do have to somehow deal with the things that life throws at us.

We had Christian Worldview week this week at North Greenville. The speakers were wonderful. Ergun Caner and Dinesh D'Souza spoke about standing up in the marketplace and speaking boldly. I struggle because I work at a Christian institution. I come home to a Christian family. I worship with Christian brothers and sisters, and I hang out with Christian friends. How do I, someone firmly ensconced in the Christian world find my way into the secular world.

I'm more comfortable in the Christian world. It's just safer. They're not as angry or as volatile most of the time. They accept me and we can have conversations about godly things without people getting angry. Not to mention that I'm busy. I've got so many things to do.

As I type this, I realize that these aren't valid excuses. I'm sure that Christ could have come up with a similar litany before he descended from heaven to save my filthy soul. He could have said, "I like heaven. The angels worship me all day. The weather is perfect. I don't have to walk on dirty streets with lepers and liars. I am never hit or battered. Everyone up here knows that I'm God. They don't question me or try to outsmart me. They love and adore me. I'm not leaving this."

My arguments seem strangely weak when compared to these.

I pray that God sends me to the fields. May he not allow me to be too comfortable to reach out and be on mission for him in my own backyard. May I seek him earnestly and know that his mission must always be my mission.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Power

Today I went to class as usual at 1:00. I love that class. It is English 2300, and we discuss poetry and short stories and To Kill A Mockingbird. It is absolutely wonderful. Did I mention that the students are pretty fantastic in there. I wonder if any of them read this blog. Oh well.

Everything seemed pretty normal. Almost everyone was in class. I closed the door promptly at 1:00 (like a good teacher) and began to take prayer requests. Now, I'm used to prayer request time. Usually, students ask for things like "help my grandmother feel better" and "I have a friend who is having a hard time". I can handle those, but today students were asking for heavy stuff. I've had two students in that class request prayer because their best friends from high school were tragically and unexpectedly killed. That happened today.

What do you say? What do you pray?

I listened, said I was sorry, and then bowed my head to pray. I knew the moment my head went down that something different was about to happen. I had goose bumps, which is a rarity in my world. Then I felt God move. I don't know if the other students felt it or not. Maybe it was just a special moment between me and the Father, but there was power in that prayer.

Please pray for my students. Take a moment to commune with God and experience His power. When we pray, we are actually talking to someone who can do something about our problems. It isn't like griping to a friend or complaining to a coworker. God can and does work on our behalves.

"Be STILL and KNOW that He is GOD!"

That is my prayer.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Maybe

Have you ever noticed that when God convicts you of something, He often puts that conviction to the test? I have been confronted with this recently. God laid some pretty heavy conviction on me a few weeks ago about my attitude about a certain situation in my life.

I've always struggled with fitting in. In fact, I've never really fit in. I'm a nerd, plain and simple. I like talk radio and books and other nerdy tings. I've always desired to be accepted, but always wondered if I really was.

I've been facing this a lot lately, and God convicted me and told me that I needed to quit bellyaching and trust that He is my advocate. I need to clean up my speech when it comes to these things. Here's were the struggle comes in.

Today, God put me to the test, and I'm afraid I'm failing miserably. I wish I were stronger. I wish I had more willpower and that things didn't get to me, but alas, they do! I want to say nasty things and take up for myself, but God can take up for me better than I ever could.

Ever felt like you were in a competition, but you didn't know what you were competing for or when you entered said competition? Me too! I'm competing, but I don't know what for or why. I'm failing.

Maybe it's the failing that helps us win. Maybe it's the reliance that helps us not be so prideful. Maybe this is the lesson I'm to learn. I'm so hard-headed sometimes.

Maybe I'll start praying for failure so that Christ can win on my behalf.

Maybe....

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

The Fear of Tornados

I am deathly afraid of thunderstorms. Those who know me best know this about me. The way I figure it, I'm more likely to go in a thunderstorm or a tornado than I am in a plane crash or a drive-by shooting. I don't like the idea of being struck by lightening. It's just terrifying.

Yesterday was a thunderstorm day. I felt myself tensing up when Dale Gilbert announced that we were under a tornado watch. Why watch? Wouldn't we all be better off in the bathtub with the mattress over our heads? The answer is a definite yes!

We were going to dinner, but were delayed by the frequent lightening. When we did leave, we caught a glimpse of the most beautiful rainbow. It seemed that we were chasing the end of the rainbow. This was wonderful news for me and my husband because we could definitely use a pot of gold. Unfortunately, like all good rainbows, the end was strangely elusive.

I started thinking, this is how my life is. Always running but never quite getting to the pot of gold at the end. Why do we run for the elusive? Why do I chase things I can never attain?

I pray that when I do reach the end, God will say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant" and I will have reached the gold at the end.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

I AM

I have a lot of time to think when I am in my car. I drive 45 minutes to and from work every day. The only good thing about the commute is the time to reflect and ponder and listen to talk radio. I love talk radio.

This week, I was listening to Nicole Nordeman's song "I AM," and I realized that it is so interesting what God chose to call himself when he revealed his name to Moses in Exodus 3. Think about it. He could have named himself anything. ANYTHING! He chose I AM.

Later this week, I was playing Scrabulous with a student. It is my favorite hobby besides listening to talk radio, and she said that she learning how to deal with her "can't wait" personality. I'm a "can't wait" person. I can't wait to be on spring break. I can't wait to go to bed at night. I can't wait to watch television. I can't wait until summer. I can't wait for so many things that I can't wait my life away. It's a shame really.

God understands my can't wait personality. Jesus died for my can't wait problems. He is I AM. Present tense. Today. I AM -- you fill in the blank. How comforting.

God showed Moses his personality, his character, his dependability, his trustworthiness. I'm none of those things, but God is. I AM. His name was everything and he is the I AM, the only one.

I may not be completely sure of who I am, but God is completely aware of who He is. He is I AM!