One Year

Karis informed me that I need to post a reflection on the past year, and I have to agree with her. It has been an amazing and trying time. I can't honestly say that I have loved every minute of it; sometimes, it is just enough to say that I have learned from every minute of it. Jason, I'm quite sure, has learned much too. I'm remembering one instance when Abby was maybe 6 or 7 weeks old and she was crying uncontrollably. Jason was in the backyard and I was inside. Abby was crying; I was crying, and when Jason came inside (after a tearful cell phone call from me), he was almost crying.

I can laugh now, but at that moment, I was a wreck.

To say that I have learned a lot would be an understatement. I didn't know I could love another human being as much as I love little Abby Elizabeth Looper. She makes me smile, even when she frustrates me. I can't imagine sacrificing her for another human being, especially one who had wronged me. I've learned that God must really, truly care for me if He was willing to allow his only son to die on my behalf.

As I've watched Abby mature, I tell her no much more. This no is not because I don't want her to have fun or because I somehow want her to miss out, but because I see the harm when she doesn't. Somehow, I'm sounding very cliched, but God's love and compassion is coming more and more into focus.

Motherhood is hard. I won't lie. I've often thought over the last few months about the days when I could sleep as long as I wanted to in the morning, when I could just up and go without having to put a carseat in the car, when I could watch whatever I wanted to on television. Those days are gone, but the days I traded them for are so worth it.

Give your mom a hug today and tell her how much she means. She may not know how to express her love adequately to you, but I am certain she loves you more than you can know.