On Vacuum Salesmen

Several weeks ago I unsuspectingly registered for a drawing at our local Pizza Inn. I was just standing there while Jason paid our bill and there was a podium with a big red and white sign that said, "Register for your chance to win $200.00". Well, we could definitely use $200, so I put our name on the piece of paper and stuffed it into the box.

A few nights later I got a call from a man saying that we had won a daily prize of $25 and that all we needed to do to claim the money was to let him come to our house and tell us about Filter Queen.

I don't know how familiar you are with Filter Queen but apparently it is a super nice, super expensive vacuum cleaner that can do everything from clean your rugs to raise your children.

The night he was originally supposed to come I got a raging stomach virus, so we had to reschedule. I should have had him come on the original night and see if the machine could cure me.

Last night he came to our house with boxes in tow and proceeded to demonstrate the Filter Queen for us.

It was DISGUSTING! I mean, I know I'm not a great housekeeper or anything, but this was absolutely revolting. There was dust and dirt and grime all over everything he touched.

He told us about how in the old days people kept their windows open and the air in the house was new every 30 minutes; now the air is new only every 4-5 hours. He had newspaper articles and doctor's prescriptions. It was quite convincing.

He did mention that he has sold more Filter Queens than any other salesman in the history of the company. Then again, he also said that his nephew holds the world record for most one-armed pushups. His past was impressive.

During the presentation, he told us about how only good parents have Filter Queens, all other parents don't really love their children and how a house is never really clean until you set up one of his machines in your living room. We learned that you can make your whole house smell like a eucalyptus bush by running this thing with a scented pad in the top. The thing could do anything.

I should have known when he said that the hosing was made of the same material as Michael Phelps's suit that it was beyond our reach.

After his 45 minute talk came the moment of reckoning. That machine is $1800, y'all! I'm not kidding, $1800! Do you have any idea what I could buy for that kind of money? Six, count 'em, SIX Kitchenaid mixers, the good ones, too.

We politely told him, no, that we couldn't take one because we had medical bills and we now pay cash for things thanks to Dave Ramsey and he came down, down, down on the price. He conveniently had a refurbished one in the car and he could give us for even cheaper.

The answer was still NO. I was so proud of Jason because he is the spender and I can tell everyone else no but him, and he stood firm. He later said that if I had nodded we would now own a Filter Queen. No nodding from this girl.

We might have been suckered in but the salesman told us they often have to REPOSSESS these vacuums when people don't pay.

Can you imagine, sitting in your house and having someone come to repossess your VACUUM! Insanity.

Maybe in a few years, after I have at least 1 Kitchenaid mixer, we'll buy a Filter Queen. Until then, I guess Abby will just have to live in a dirty home. Don't tell DSS.